Crazy to Gross

I am filling in for a friend at the law office this morning answering phones.

It must be a full moon because it is crazy.

1st call

Me: Law Office
Idiot: I need to hire a lawyer
Me: Okay, can you tell me what for?
Idiot: I want to sue WalMart
Me: And, what did they do?
Idiot: They robbed me
Me: (rolling eyes) How did they do that sir?
Idiot: The clearance tag said $3.00 and they charged me $5.00
Me: And, sir did you bring this to their attention?
Idiot: No it is their responsibility.
Me: So let me get the facts, you want to sue them for the $2.00
Idiot: No that would be stupid (me silently agreeing but then he continues...)
I want to sue them for mental anguish.
Me: Well sir, let me explain that to have a lawsuit you would have to have an extensive amount of damages and I dont believe that we would be able to handle this.
Idiot: Well I will find someone and when I sue them and win a million dollars you will be sorry. (HANGS UP)

Caller No. 2
Me: Law Office
Gross: I need an attorney I think I am about to be arrested.
Me: Yes maam, what do you believe you will be arrested for.
Gross: My boyfriends mom just caught us having sex in his bedroom.
Me: How old is your boyfriend?
Gross: 13
Me: And maam, how old are you?
Gross: 39
Me: (mentally gagging) Let me get the facts, the mother caught you having sex?
Gross: Yes
Me: You were in her home?
Gross: Yes I live there too.
Me: (Getting confused) So it is your home too?
Gross: No it is kinda complicated but I love him and we are going to get married.
Me: Okay you live there as a guest?
Gross: No I am the nanny
Me: (Gagging) So there are more kids in the home?
Gross: Yes the other boys are 9 and 5 but I am not in love with those boys because that would be insane.

So that is the two highlight calls of my morning.Phone is currently ringing so I may be back, or I may just strangle myself with the phone cord.