Heartbreak

I think I actually felt my heartbreak last night. As you know if you know us or have read my blog my son Braden is 5 and has had serious medical issues and has a significant delay with his speech. While being tested he is so smart it is the articulation or pronunciation that comes out somewhat garbled.

Anyway to last night.

I am sitting watching cartoons with the kids and Braden crawls on my lap and says "Mom I am weird". I said no your not. Brittney then pipes up and says "Mom I told him to talk to you because he said he is weird cause he cant talk good"...(have I mentioned before my 1st grader is way too smart). I thanked Brittney for telling him to talk to me and I took Braden in the office to sit on the couch in there. His eyes look like he is about to cry. I asked him why he thought he was weird. He said "Colton says I cant talk so I am weird". I wanted to cry, yes he is very hard to understand especially if you are not around him, for example he doesnt say the t sound so pick up truck is pick up uck and so on and on with other letters too.

I tried to explain to him that he wasnt weird but that he was special because of how sick he used to be and how much better he is getting. I tried to tell him that he was so smart and that he was getting better and talking everyday.

He seemed happier when we were done, but I sat there a while longer after he went back to his cartoons just thinking. I know kids are cruel I knew in my head that this time would be coming as he got into school but my heart wasnt ready to see those tears and try to ease his hurt.

I cant explain to him that he is 5 and that he has beaten the odds since he was born 11 weeks early, he has beaten them when a mass was found in the brain, then not just one mass but 4 and all removed, he has beaten them by being one of the smartest and brightest kids in his class while having 30 to 50 staring out seizures each day. He has beaten them by being happy and his dimple smile that melts hearts. But he is 5 and doesnt understand this all he understands is another 5 year old boy says he was weird. Yes my heart definitely broke a little with this conversation.