Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Looking back

I think every now and then that I will stop blogging for several different reasons busy times being one. I decided I needed to organize my archives...I didn't remember starting this blog in 2004...wow 5 years.

I read just the first few one of them being this one:
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Heartbreak
I think I actually felt my heartbreak last night. As you know if you know us or have read my blog my son Braden is 5 and has had serious medical issues and has a significant delay with his speech. While being tested he is so smart it is the articulation or pronunciation that comes out somewhat garbled.
Anyway to last night.
I am sitting watching cartoons with the kids and Braden crawls on my lap and says "Mom I am weird". I said no your not. Brittney then pipes up and says "Mom I told him to talk to you because he said he is weird cause he cant talk good"...(have I mentioned before my 1st grader is way too smart). I thanked Brittney for telling him to talk to me and I took Braden in the office to sit on the couch in there. His eyes look like he is about to cry. I asked him why he thought he was weird. He said "Colton says I cant talk so I am weird". I wanted to cry, yes he is very hard to understand especially if you are not around him, for example he doesnt say the t sound so pick up truck is pick up uck and so on and on with other letters too.
I tried to explain to him that he wasnt weird but that he was special because of how sick he used to be and how much better he is getting. I tried to tell him that he was so smart and that he was getting better and talking everyday.
He seemed happier when we were done, but I sat there a while longer after he went back to his cartoons just thinking. I know kids are cruel I knew in my head that this time would be coming as he got into school but my heart wasnt ready to see those tears and try to ease his hurt.
I cant explain to him that he is 5 and that he has beaten the odds since he was born 11 weeks early, he has beaten them when a mass was found in the brain, then not just one mass but 4 and all removed, he has beaten them by being one of the smartest and brightest kids in his class while having 30 to 50 staring out seizures each day. He has beaten them by being happy and his dimple smile that melts hearts. But he is 5 and doesnt understand this all he understands is another 5 year old boy says he was weird. Yes my heart definitely broke a little with this conversation.


So no I am going to keep blogging. I need to look back and read sometimes to see how far we have come and reinforce reasons that we have made the life choices we have made. I am going to try to organize the posts into categories...eek over 950 posts I should have done this long ago. Also want to find some of my food posts to repost. So I am not going anywhere. I may post a few old stories now and then while I go through. I don't know why the above story spoke to me so this morning but it did.

Now onto a busy day suppose to be super warm again today and then cold again this weekend..ugh.

4 comments:

Jennifer said...

I'm so glad you are going to keep blogging! I would miss you if you didn't. :) That story spoke to me this morning, too. It's amazing to look back sometimes and see what God has brought us through.

 Cha said...

Wow, Kelly. You can't stop. Thanks for sharing your heart, and your family with us. Big hugs!

Shannon said...

Tissues, please. That was amazing. painful, but amazing.

stacey said...

wow, amazing to see how far that great kid has come!